He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
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