It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
