Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
