can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
