umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
