: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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