I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
