I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
