Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
