Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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