My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
its not stalking. its research.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
