I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
