thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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