You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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