I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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