i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
