I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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