They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize