Say something about gay babies.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
