White coat. Heels.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Drake has all the answers
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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