Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
