Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
