The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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