Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
