You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
