yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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