TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It's shark week go big or go home
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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