How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
