"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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