I didn't shave. On purpose
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
