I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
