I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize