C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize