the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
