yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
