I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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