I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
