I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize