we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
