What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
