If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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