I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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