I'm really into asian looking animals
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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