Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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