im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
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