I got chris browned last night
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
