I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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