Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
