I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
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