hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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