The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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