I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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