he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
