Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
