Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
