I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
