i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
