haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
