So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize