the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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