We named our party play list daddy issues
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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