I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
