do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
