watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
