I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
She has the best kind of daddy issues
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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