The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Randomize
