Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
