I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
