i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
The power of my boobs compel you
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
